Screwtape on the Other Four
by Violets and Lilies
Summary: In which Screwtape advises the demons attached to Digory, Polly, Eustace and Jill. A companion piece to "Screwtape on the Pevensies". A prequel and a sequel.
1. Digory

**A/N **This letter was penned just after the events of The Magician's Nephew.

* * *

My Dear Picquet,

_What's this_? So, your little varmint disappeared for a minute, did he? And you couldn't figure out where he went, eh? You know, I really hope that you're not just trying to cover your little forked-tail because you were goofing off. Any demon who graduated from Tempter's College ought to know the very basic fact that the Enemy neither slumbers or sleeps, so guess what, you idiot? We demons can't take time to fool around either. You obviously fixed your grades, which is, of course, commendable, but you clearly aren't worth your salt.

But, ah, Tempter's College. I've got a lot of awful memories of that place. I'm so proud to be an alum of the finest school we have down here. And, of course, I tempted the slimy little varmints during one of the most important periods on earth-when the Enemy Himself was walking around like one of them. Oh sure, we took some huge losses, but tempters were tempters back then-and don't forget, I was one of the best. Of course, now I've been promoted so far down the lowerarchy that I have to advise worthless morons like you, but doesn't Our Father Below deserve his best demons keeping you slipshod cretins on the wide and slippery slope?

But, where was I? Oh yes, this troubling little letter you sent me. Well, I see here that once you managed to find your little pipsqueak, he had an apple and he fed that apple to his mother and her health was restored pretty soon afterward. Well, now this is really just don't turn around like that without some assistance from the Enemy. If that's the case, and it very likely is, then you've got a real problem on your hands. But, relax, I'm here for you-I really care about you, you know?

I think your best option is to infect your patient with Ungratefulness. It's really fun to watch the varmen fall into Ungratefulness. Let me tell you a story to illustrate my point.

See, back in the days when the Enemy walked the earth, there were ten guys with this delightfully horrible disease called leprosy. It's a really cool disease because it hurts the little varmints so much, and back in my days, the Humans that ran the communities said that anyone who had this disease had to be cut off from everyone else, and they couldn't even get into the Temple to be with the Enemy. See, what a delightful thing it was for us when someone got leprosy? Well, you won't believe this, but the Enemy came strolling up one day and He healed all ten of those worthless varmints. I'm quite sure that you won't be able to wrap your head around that, but that's good-your head might explode if you try to figure out why the Enemy would do something like that.

Well, luckily for us, nine of our boys were able to infect their patients with Ungratefulness, and their patients walked away from the Enemy without so much as a thank-you. Of course, there was that tenth guy, but his Tempter did a rotten job.I mean really, that idiot ruined something that could have gone down in the in the annals of Hell as one of the greatest successes we ever had. And don't try to tell me that nine out of ten is pretty good, because nine out of ten is practically nothing. Don't you get it, you stupid cretin? It's our business to bring _everyone _down to Our Father Below-even one loss is unacceptable! Did you know that the feast where we ate that loser was my very first one? Of course, I don't recall what his name was, but names aren't important down here. We're not like the Enemy, who makes it His business to know when every sparrow drops out of the sky, or how many hairs are on each varmint's head. I mean, really, why does He need to know silly stuff like that anyway?

Well anyway, back to my story. See, by infecting those nine guys with Ungratefulness, we took away any chance that they might get to know the Enemy any better. That little varmint that went back only gave the Enemy more time to show him who He is and, of course, and that's never good for our side.

Now, this is important, so you need to get it through your thick little horns-if your patient becomes grateful to the Enemy, and starts to seek Him out, then you've really blown it. After all, the Enemy promises that anyone who seeks Him will find Him. So, you'd better see to it that it doesn't happen.

Yes, Picquet, you little idiot, you've really got your work cut out for you now, but take heart, you haven't lost yet.

Now, let's talk about your varmint's future. I think it would serve you very well if you nurtured his curiosity and set him down a path where he ends up working as a doctor or a scientist or a professor, maybe. Yes, I think you should direct his steps towards being a professor. Let me tell you why.

See, the more "stuff" Humans knows, or _think _they know, the less they think about the Enemy. They start thinking that they have the answers to everything or that they _should _have the answers to everything-it's really ridiculous, of course, but that's what makes it so great. But, you'd better keep on your toes, you worthless loser, the Enemy has a very infernal way of making our best laid plans actually work for _His _side. I mean really, can you believe the nerve of the Enemy?

If you need any more of my brilliant advice, don't hesitate to write. You know I care so much about you, don't you?

Your affectionate Uncle,

Screwtape

* * *

**A/N **Picquet is mentioned in my other story "Screwtape on the Pevensies". Feel free to read about more him there.


	2. Polly

**A/N** This letter was penned just after the events of the Magician's Nephew.

* * *

My Dear Denailion,

I can't tell you how disappointed I was to receive your latest letter. Do you know why? Because I'm not disappointed, you worthless fiend, I'm livid! And, of course, I don't mind at all telling you about that. I see here that you lost track of your little varmint while she was playing with Picquet's patient. How could you blow your assignment like that? Don't you understand the dangers in letting your patient hang around with someone like _that _little Male?

Now, of course, I'm not saying that this sort of thing is automatically bad, we've brought down many a Human by inciting them to do what their friends are doing. It's called peer-pressure, but Picquet's patient isn't the type of Human that you'd really like your patient to follow-of course, that's Picquet's fault, and he'll, no doubt, pay dearly for his lack of competence after he has failed.

I'm writing to you so that you might avoid a similar fate. I really care about you, you know? I want what's best for you, you know that, right? Unfortunately, I think you're fighting a losing battle-but then again, what should I expect from a loser like you?

I see here that you managed to recover your little varmint after just a moment, but that she seems to be much more adventurous than she was before. You write that she's now doing things like riding, swimming, and climbing and that she's learned to milk and bake. Yes, I can see it clearly, Denailion, you're headed for complete disaster.

See, when a Human has such a drastic change in their personality, or in the things that they enjoy doing, then it generally means that the Enemy has gotten ahold of them. And, of course, given Picquet's recent trouble, and the fact that his patient and yours seem to be very close friends, I wouldn't doubt that your little brat has gotten to know the Enemy too. It's peer-pressure at it's worst, I tell you! Of course, it's also a fine display of your incompetence.

But, since I care so much about you, I'm willing to help you fix this little mess you've made. What you need to do is infected your patient with a very delightful little thing called Fear.

From your previous letters, I see that your little varmint has been concerned about her safety-oh sure, she's willing to do this or that with Picquet's patient, but only if she's sure things will work out. She doesn't seem interested in taking risks. That's why I think Fear will work so well. Actually, this reminds me of a case my class studied while I was in school.

See, way back then there was a famine in the Enemy's chosen country, and a certain Female, her husband, and two sons moved to a place that's actually quite special to our side. Well, a good many years went by and the two sons married these two native Females and they all lived together as a family. Now, eventually, the three Males died off, leaving this old shrew and the two younger Females.

Well, the famine in the Enemy's chosen country finally lifted and the old bat decided to go interesting part came when the two other Females wanted to come along with her. Now, I have good news and bad news, which would you like first? How about I give you the bad news first and get it out of the way. Then when I give you the good news, it'll wash the disgusting taste of Enemy victory out of your mouth.

The bad news is that one of the young Females could not be persuaded to return home where she belonged-she went off with the old bat and lived in the Enemy's chosen country. Worst of all, she became the great-grandmother of that king that the Enemy said was a man after His own heart. See, that's terrible news, isn't it?

But, relax, remember there's good news. Remember there were _two _young Females? And remember only _one_ of themfollowed the old shrew back to the Enemy's chosen country? Yes, that's right Denailion, we were successful in keeping our hold on the other Female. And, of course, we infected her with Fear in order to do it.

This is how we did it. See, our boy that was assigned to her made her afraid of what would happen if she left her country. He suggested that her life would different from what she was used to, and probably harder than what it had been. He suggested that she wouldn't be able to handle the new life that was being offered to her, and that she was much better off returning to her familiar land, customs, and gods. Of course, it worked and she didn't take the opportunity and given what happened with that other Female, that was quite a relief for us. Can you imagine how the Enemy would have used that little varmint if she'd gone to His chosen country?

Now, of course, you're bound to run into problems if you suggest that your little varmint should be _afraid _of something. Humans don't like to admit to being afraid, so you should use words like "cautious" or "prudent" or "reasonable" when you make suggestions. Humans don't seem to mind those words and, in fact, Humans are even applauded for being cautious or prudent or reasonable, even when when we know it's just a sham because they're really scared out of their minds. Just thinking about it makes me want to laugh.

Now, what makes Fear such a great thing is that it interferes with the Enemy's plans, and that's what we do, isn't it? See, we know that the Enemy's as plans for each little varmint and those plans are to make the them prosper and give them hope and a future. The Enemy prefers that the vermin step out in faith and trust that He has their best interest at heart. Rotten stuff, isn't it? I'm getting sick just thinking about it. Well, anyway, in order to pull your little varmint away from the Enemy, you're going to have to make sure that she doesn't remember that.

Now, don't be slow to write back, if you need help, you worthless idiot. After all, isn't that why I'm here helping you young fools? Oh, and don't forget how much I care about you.

Your affectionate Uncle,

Screwtape

* * *

**A/N **The case Screwtape studied in school came from Ruth 1:1-18.

**A\N **Denailion is also mentioned in "Screwtape on the Pevensies".


	3. Eustace

**A/N** This letter was penned just after the events on the Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

* * *

My Dear Rack,

Now, let me see if I've this right-you'll tell me if I don't have it quite right, won't you, Rack? You've little varmint disappeared with his two cousins-who have become the most horrible little beasts these past couple years-and he was able to do that because you-yes _you_-did everything contrary to the advice I gave in my last letter. You completely ignored my warning that Pillory and Leasprink are two of the most inept worthless fools that we have down here. You completely disregarded my advise that your little varmint was perhaps our best opportunity to drive a wedge between the Enemy and His two young accomplices. Now, tell me, Rack, have I gotten all that right? Of course I do-I've never messed up! It's you worthless arrogant fiends that can't handle their jobs! Of course, I knew you were a worthless fool from the start, but I had thought that by pairing you with Throatwort and Fircus that you'd actually learn something about tempting the loathsome bipeds the Enemy loves so much. Throatwort and Fircus are two of the best, you know that, right? But you still blew it! Well, guess what, Rack? I've already taken the liberty of reporting your latest foolish mistake to our Corrections Department, so you should expect dire punishment shortly.

Fortunately, for you, I do see a way in which you might begin to clean up this little mess you've made, and since I'm so wise, and yes, benevolent, I'm going to tell you about it.

I see that, in your last letter, you wrote that your patient has spoken of being changed into a dragon and that the Enemy, apparently in the form of a Lion, changed him back. Well, we're learning more and more about this place that the Enemy drags little children off too, now aren't we? That's good. We might be able to figure out what He's up too, although I'm not sure we'll be able to figure out _why _He's doing it.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, I was explaining what you're going to have to do about that little brat you're suppose to be guarding. Now, the dragon idea is actually pretty amusing-if only we could do something like that. But, I'd better not hear about you telling Our Father Below that I thought something the Enemy allowed was amusing, especially since it didn't work out well for us. Of course, when the Enemy moves to do something, there's a good chance that it won't work out for us, and unfortunately, we haven't mastered stopping Him yet.

What's that, you said? You want to know how to fix what you messed up, do you? You're scared about your fate if you fail, are you? Well, _maybe_, if you shut your worthless little trap and let someone with some brains-that's me-talk! You'd be better off. Then, again, you didn't listen last time, did you? So, I can't imagine why I'd want to help now.

You do understand that I'm only helping you because I care so much, don't you, you worthless inept moron? Well, here it is-what I think will work best on your patient is to make him what he was before-a selfish, greedy little prick.

Now, it's actually pretty easy to do this because it's quite a natural thing for Humans to be selfish and greedy. That's one thing that I don't understand about the Enemy's plan. He wants them to think about others before themselves. He wants them to feed and shelter the poor and strangers, comfort the lonely, and visit the sick and those in prison. He wants them to love their neighbors as themselves. I don't get it and, of course, I'm sure you don't either. How could a dumb little nitwit like you understand something that I don't? All we require of the stupid vermin is that they continue to be the selfish greedy jerks that they already are. Doesn't that sound easier to you? I mean really, even the Great Betrayer admitted that being greedy and selfish was easier than walking the Enemy's path. Of course, he also said that walking our way would lead to the little vermin's Eternal Death, but hey, that's what we want, isn't it?

Let me explain it this way, see the Enemy wants all the little vermin to be born again into His camp, and I'm assuming that's what happened to your little brat when He pulled the dragon scales off. What's that? You don't know how somebody can be born again? Well, now that reminds me of this guy who asked the Enemy that very same question.

It happened one night while I was on earth tempting. This guy was one of the Pharisees-yes, that's right-one of the guys who we traditionally like. Well, this guy came to the Enemy at night and his Tempter figured that was okay because at least the guy was worried about what his colleagues would say about him meeting the Enemy.

Well, that brainiac got it wrong because the Enemy told his patient about how to get into His camp, and now that message is being spread all over the world though the Enemy's book. See, how much harder that idiot made things for the rest of us? And all because he let his patient have a chat with the Enemy. It's enough to make my blood boil.

Now, I'm going to tell you what the Enemy said so that you'll be able to watch for signs of these things happening in your patient. This is critical to your success, you moron, so listen close, got that? He told this guy that His Father sent Him into the world to die for all the sins all the little varmints ever committed, or would commit, and whoever believes this would not die, but have Eternal Life.

What that, now? You don't understand what? Oh, that-listen closer, you dimwit-Tempters should know this stuff. I wouldn't have graduated from Tempters College if I didn't know this stuff. I mean, sure, the little vermin are lowering their standards all the time-thanks to us, I might add-but that doesn't mean _we _get to lower ours.

I can't believe I have to go over this, but since I'm so gracious, I will, just for you, Rack-you moron. See, the Enemy and His Father are one in the same. He explained it to His closest followers when He said that He was in the Father and the Father is in Him. Now, don't forget that or, not only will I report you, but you'll also very likely fail in your assignment. Of course, you've probably failed already, but I'll string you along until it's official-that would be when your patient goes off to live with the Enemy.

Now, let me get back to my story, see the Enemy told this guy that to enter His camp, the little vermin have to be reborn by the Spirit-and, yes Rack, the Spirit is one and the same with the Father and the Son-but anyway, if a little varmint, like your patient, is reborn by the Spirit, that's suppose to kill off that delightful sinful nature that all Humans possess, so naturally, we don't like that.

But, here's the good news. See, even if their sinful nature is really dead, we can make them _feel _like it's alive. It's really quite fun. Take your patient for example, he goes to a very delightful school that's full of great teachers and administrators. It's also full of great bullies-your patient did some bullying too, I believe-although, with his recent changes, you might be hard pressed to get him to do more-but, that better not stop you from trying.

Now, if you can manage to bring out your patient's sinful nature then maybe you'll have a shot at him. Another benefit to bringing out a Human's sinful nature is that no one is likely to believe that the Enemy has changed him because they can't see any change. I coached Pillory on similar methods a couple years ago, but of course, that stupid fiend didn't do a good job following my advice and you're witnessing the results right now. However, Rack, and this is crucial, so listen up, the Enemy wants those Humans in His camp to live as if they are co-heirs with His Son, because they are, so He gives them His Spirit so that they have a guide to keep them on His path, and of course, if they're tuned into what He wants then we have a harder time getting them to take our suggestions, and that, naturally, messes up our plans. Isn't that horrible?

Well, Rack, I'm very keen to hear how you can make out with your little brute. The summer holiday is almost over and he'll head back to school soon. I do hope that you'll be able to implement my suggestions and that the Enemy won't find it necessary to call your patient back to wherever it is He takes them, but I have my doubts about that.

Your affectionate Uncle,

Screwtape

* * *

**A/N** The Rack was a medieval torture device in which the victim was tied to and then their limbs were pulled until dislocated or torn off. It was generally used to extract confessions. I chose Rack as Eustace's Tempter because Aslan pulled off Eustace's scales as a Rack might pull off his arms or legs. Plus, with his dragon scales gone, Eustace made his confession of faith.

Throatwort (Foxglove) and Fircus are poisonous plants. They are the demons attracted to Eustace's parents, Harold and Alberta. I admit, they aren't medieval torture devices, but don't sue me.

Pillory and Leasprink are Edmund and Lucy's demons. You can read about them and their misadventures in "Screwtape on the Pevensies".

The Great Betrayer is the apostle Paul. When Screwtape suggested that Paul said living sinfully was easier than living righteously, he was referencing **Rom. 7:15-25**.

The story Screwtape references comes from **John 3:1-21**.

Other references are from **Matt. 22:39 and 25:31-46**, **John 14:8-11**, and **Rom. 8:12-17**. I'm sorry-I didn't intend to make this a Bible study, but I wanted you to know where I got the information. I'm also no theologian, so don't sue me if it sounds a little rough in places.

One more chapter! Thanks for hanging in there.


	4. Jill

A/N This letter was penned just after the events of The Silver Chair.

* * *

My Dear Foroa,

How dare you, you little inept worthless fool! _How dare you!_ Didn't I tell you that Rack's patient is no longer reliable for our side, and therefore, it's best to keep your patient from associating with him too much? _Didn't I tell you that_? Now, I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong, you stupid moron! Yes, Rack's patient may have been our unwitting ally before, but as every demon ought to know, the Enemy can reach in, without a moment's notice, and rip years and years of hard work right out of our hands. Can you fathom that, Foroa? Oh course, you can't, after all, _you just let it happen! _Of course, you haven't been around as long as I have. You haven't seen the great many times that the Enemy has utterly dismantled the schemes that were to be our biggest plans. It's really frightening how He can do that, let me tell you. Of course, with your recent slip-up, I really doubt that you'll be around to witness a whole lot of anything. You'll most likely be a part of some great feast within a few years, with the record you've got-I wonder if you'll be the appetizer, the main course, or the desert?

Of course, since I really care about you, I still want to help. I really do care, you know that, don't you, Foroa? Now, let me see, your letter confirms that your patient has some interesting attitudes that you can exploit, if you're anything close to competent, that is-of course, you're not, you're one of the dumbest little fiends we have down here, but I'm still going to help you because I care about you so much. You know that you can count on me for help, don't you Foroa?

I see here that your obnoxious little brat mentioned that she should have done a better job doing what the Enemy asked her to do, instead of dreaming about the hot food and warm bed that some Lady in Green promised her. Well, that's sure interesting, isn't it? I sure would like to meet this Lady in Green-of course, I mostly prefer red or some other hot color, but we demons can't be picky about our allies, can we? I also see that this lady played a mandolin really well and had some sweet smelling incense-of course, I'm sure you're aware that I much prefer the screams of tortured souls and the smell of sulfur, but like I said, an ally can pop up in the strangest places.

Actually, this business of sweet smells, pretty music and a beautiful lady gave me the clue as to how to bring your patient down. See, Humans have a delightful little complex that's is great fun to exploit-it's that most of them seem bent on living comfortable pampered lives.

You'd think the Enemy would have taken care not to create such beasts that don't even want to do what He says most of the time. You'd think that He'd create something that knows how much He loves them and how He only asked them to do this or that because he knows what they need better than they 'd think He wouldn't be so foolish as to want those worthless bipeds to decide for themselves who they would choose to follow-of course, we haven't actually been able to prove that His way is foolish, but I still don't understand _why _He chose the way He did. Our Father Below certainly would have taken better care to create something that was totally devoted to doing the things that _he_ wants, but hey, since the Enemy didn't bother to do that, it's our job to see to it that the measly little varmints do the things that _we _like.

All that said, I really think that your little varmint could be infected, quite effectively, I might add, with one of our most delightful and productive temptations-a little thing called Sloth-that's making your patient lazy, you stupid moron. Yes, I believe Sloth will work most effectively on your little varmint.

The temptation of Sloth reminds me of one of my favorite lessons from back when I was in school. See, the Enemy's chosen people were wandering around in the desert like chickens with their heads cut off-it was quite amusing and I remember that our side was very productive, mostly because the Enemy chose a bunch of whiny slackers to be His chosen people. Why do you suppose He'd do something like that? It's beyond me. I mean, sure, He's always telling those varmints in His camp that His power is made perfect in their weakness, and that's, unfortunately true, but why do you suppose He wants to show His power though such worthless idiots as Humans?

Well, anyway, back to the story, the Enemy finally got their leader, a guy who was so horrible that I can't even mention his name; I'll only say that we tried knock him off when he was a baby, but, unfortunately, that didn't work out well for us. Anyway, this creep went up on a mountain and received ten different Laws that the Enemy was asking His chosen people to follow. Then this guy went down and explained to all the people that if they kept the Enemy's commandments, they would lead happy productive lives.

What's that now? You want to know why they don't follow His rules if they get to lead happy productive lives when they do? That's the point I'm trying to make, you stupid little twit! Why can't you shut your trap and listen for a minute-_-we_ keep them from following His rules by making them too lazy to really learn His rulers.

Oh sure, they study what He likes for a little while and they think they've got things down, so they stop concentrating on them. Then we swoop in. See, Humans are really stupid creatures and they almost never learn something forever without daily reminders and practice, so after they've had time to forget His lessons, we come in and see how many of them we can get.

Of course, the Enemy foresaw this and He got His guy in the desert to tell His chosen people not to slack off their studying and not to neglect teaching their children and grandchildren, but we've taken care of that throughout the generations, and I've no doubt we'll do it again someday. Of course, for you, someday is now, so don't mess this up, got that, Foroa?

Now, I think, you'll find one of the easiest ways to make your little varmint stop being diligent in studying the Enemy's Book is to make her feel proud of herself for knowing the lessons she has learned. Isn't that a stupid reason to stop studying, Foroa? Its enough to make me want to laugh. The little vermin read a couple of His stories and memorize a few of His best lines and they think they've done good enough to please Him. As if those measly little idiots could ever be on _His _level. What a joke. The best part is when they go around spouting off His lessons, but they're too lazy to actually _do _what He says-we really get ahold of them then, because acting on what He says is what's really important to Him.

Another fun way to make them lazy is by simply distracting them with pretty things. See, the Human vermin love to be comfortable and take the easiest road to wherever they want to go. It's the same thing that your patient mentioned before. I'll bet you can't imagine how a little food and a hot bath can make the pathetic bipeds lazy, can you? Well, that's because you're a worthless joke of a fiend. I mean really, how did you ever get out of Tempters College?

Oh sure, the little varmints have all these lines like "life isn't fair" or "life's rough" that they love to spout off to other Humans, but you wouldn't believe how they whine when another Human says those things to them. Of course, they get so busy bellyaching about not having this or that and they totally forget that the Enemy will provide everything they need. He even told them a story about this while He was on earth. Something about birds and lilies, I think. The account is right there in His book, but, of course, they're too "busy" to read it. What a joke.

Now, I'll warn you, Foroa, continuing to allow your patient to hang out with Rack's patient will have a dangerous effect on our schemes. See, Rack's little varmint has access to some of the Enemy's most vile accomplices and, I see here that your patient has said many times how grateful she is that he nagged her to repeat those Signs the Enemy wanted her to know. That's the most awful thing about the little varmints in the Enemy's camp-the get to banding together and encouraging each other to stay on His path, and it becomes so much harder for us to affect them. Just remember, it's much easier to make the little vermin lazy if they don't have someone nagging them to do what the Enemy likes.

You must keep me informed as to how you're progressing, Foroa. You'll do that, won't you? I only care about you and want to help you all I can, you know that right? Of course, I'm mostly interested in knowing when you might put the finishing touches on your complete failure, so I won't miss the great feast in which we'll dine on you.

Your affectionate Uncle,

Screwtape

* * *

**A/N **The story Screwtape remembers from his school days in found in Deuteronomy 6:5-9 and 11:13-21. The story the Enemy tells while he's walking around on earth is found in Luke 12:22-34.

Foroa is so named for the Medieval torture method known as Foot Roasting. For this torture, the victim's feet were put in stocks with hot coals underneath in order to burn the victim's feet to whatever degree the torturer felt like. I paired Foot Roasting with Jill because of her time at the House of Harfang and the giants that wanted to eat her and her companions.

My next story will be a one-shot called "Screwtape After the Train Wreck". It will be another companion piece to "Screwtape on the Pevensies", in which Screwtape fires off another letter to Susan's demon.

Thanks to all ye great readers who read this story and thanks to all my reviewers, as well! You guys are wonderful!


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